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THE FUN HOUSE MIRROR ISSUE 27

Welcome back to the Fun House Mirror, where we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but often looks like a bad pro wrestling show, and American wrestling companies who think that they are Mexican wrestling companies. 

A lot can happen in a week.  This week, as reported on Pro Wrestling Insider, Serena Deeb, underling to Season one Pro C. M. Punk, was released. 

If they want to, they have a ready made story line.  They could have Darren Young and C. M. Punk come out and have Punk explain that Darren was at a bar drowning his sorrows after being kicked out of Nexus when we saw Serena who was also at the bar and obviously not being straight edge.  Darren became "disgusted with his drink" and snitched Serena out to C. M. Punk so now Serena is no longer with Straight Edge Society.  Punk then asks Darren if he wants to join SES now and Darren says that he will think about it.  Then, next week have Percy Watson come out on Smackdown to try to reform the South Beach Party Boys with Darren.  So, you have Darren torn between two possible paths. 

Or, will he turn both down and come out as the new Doctor of Thuganomics, playing off his resemblance to John Cena? 

But, before we ponder the fate of the second season one NXT person to be ejected from NEXUS, we got some Lucha Libre on tap! 

Last week we saw the hot angles with Solid being sent to the hospital by Lizmark Jr., Rellik laying out Charlie Malice in the back and Pequeno Halloween planing some tricks for Rebecca Reyes. 

What is their follow up? 

VTR, come on! 

We start hot with a video recapping the Pequeno Halloween/Rebecca Reyes situation and then a video showing that Pequeno Halloween had kidnapped a drunk Reyes, painted her face and took her to a Los Vegas wedding chapel to get married, with a crew of Rudos as witnesses. 

Oh, the humanity! 

Tonight we have planned Magno and Mascara Purpura versus the PR powers in the tag team tournament.  Also planned is a hardcore match between Charlie Malice and Rellik. 

But, in the ring is R. J. Brewer, who has something to say to Magno. 

R. J. of course wants a piece of Magno, but Magno is already in the tag team tournament.  However, ladies man Mascarita Dorada is more than willing to fight in Magno's place. 

It's odd to think that the former John Waters would ever be in the situation of being the bully big man in a match, but here we are. 

R. J., being a heel, naturally mocks Dorada by falling to his knees to get ready to lock up with him. 

R. J. winds up taking Dorada way too lightly and gets nearly knocked out by a plancha to the outside that causes R. J.'s head to hit the barricade.  However, when Dorada tries to follow up a female fan with peroxide hair and an unhealthy looking tan interferes on R. J.'s behalf, pushing Dorada off the top rope and allowing Brewer to win.  Is this Mama Brewer? 

Octigoncita is in the back trying to get an interview with Reyes but she is missing.  Octigoncita is apparently doing the gimmick where he gives interviews but never talks. 

We then have a feature were Marco Corleone is on a radio program and Lizmark Jr. calls in. 

We then go to the back where we find that the blonde is apparently R. J.'s girl friend who shares R. J.'s "love" of Hispanic people. 

Time for the tag team match, but before it can get started, El Oriental, Neutronic and Tinieblas Jr. bum rush the ringside area with chairs, but it is supposedly for a scouting mission as the three rudos sit down with the announcers. 

The match between the technico teams is fast paced and grueling but fair.  The PR Flyers win when the San Jaun kid hits a corkscrew 450 splash for the pin. 

The Rudos look on with grudging respect. 

The Rudos (after the commercial break) try intimidating the PR powers by slowly coming to the ring with their chairs only to be told by the PR Powers that next week they will face them in a Trios match with their partner Carlitos. 

We then have a vignette where Reyes wakes up with a wedding ring on her hand and Halloween makeup on.  Needless to say, she is quite distraught over this development. 

Even more upsetting is Pequeno Halloween showing up and the hotel room saying "honey?". 

And, we're ready for the main event as Malice takes on Rellik, no rules. 

The match lives up to the title of hardcore as plunder is used often.  However, it is a wrestling move that wins as Malice uses "Malicious Intentions" (a corkscrew into a inverted Indian death lock) to force a submission victory. 

So, another rocking Lucha show. 

Unfortunately, we also have WWE NXT on tap, with only three contestants left: Kaval, Michael McGillicutty and Alex Riley. 

Sigh.  Let's fire up the slide projector: 

We start with a recap of last weeks eliminations.  Percy Watson post elimination gets a funky theme.  That's more that Wade Barrett got even though he won a challenge to get his own music.  They also recap the post Husky elimination brawl. 

You know, TUF never went into a week will less than four contestants remaining.  NXT only has three with two weeks to go. 

Jamie Keyes is in the ring to bring out the pros.  Her hair is less blond and her skin is less tan than R. J. Brewer's girl friend but she still looks 100% unnatural. 

Miz, Morrison and Mark Henry are not with the pros (which was also the case last week due to an overseas RAW tour). 

Keyes also brings out the rookies.  However, Pequeno Halloween does not come out and slap Jamie on the butt. 

The three rookies are joined in the ring by the man who needs no introduction, Matt Striker.  Let me guess, another round of one minute promos? 

Matt asks the rookies about making it to the finals and Michael cuts a baby face promo putting over Kofi and "his father".  Alex cuts a promo against Shamus saying that he might beat The Miz to getting a title shot against him. 

Kaval cuts a promo against Cody Rhodes who attacked Kaval last week.  Cody answers back and Kaval challenges Cody to talk to him right to his face.  Cody declines which draws the ire of MVP and Lay Cool.  This leads to MVP challenging Cody who accepts. 

Well, at least we have a pro vs pro match that doesn't involve a pro in name only. 

Next up, a WWE trivia challenge??  I guess with an odd number they can't break out the pugel sticks. 

The trivia challenge gets its own cocktail jazz theme. 

Q1: who was in the iron man match at WM12 in 1996.

Michael correctly answers HBK and Bret Hart, but he struggles with the answer. 

Q2: Joey Abs, Pete Gas & Rodney made up which faction?

Kaval immediately answers the Mean Street Posse. 

Q3: Who's entrance music starts with "You think you know me"

Michael immediately answers "Edge" just beating out Kaval. 

Q4: Which Billionaire put up his hair against VKM?

Michael immediately answers "Donald Trump" just beating out Kaval. 

Q5: The Killswitch is who's finishing move?

Kaval edges out Riley to answer Christian. 

Q6: Who plays HHH's entrance music.

Michael stumbles by answering Rob Zombie and Kaval answers Motorhead. 

At the end of round one: Michael - 300, Kaval - 300, Alex - 0, the poor viewers - 0. 

Round two (questions worth 200 points) 

Q1: First Intercontental Champion?

Kaval is on the spot with Pat Patterson. 

Q2: Which current Diva won the Diva Search contest in 2007?

Michael answers Eve (which speaks to his priorities). 

Q3: Complete the lyric: "Here comes the Ax and comes the Smasher..."

Kaval correctly sings "The Demolition, walking disaster". 

Q4: What mode of transportation did the Dynamic Dudes use on the way to the ring?

Kaval after an awkward minute incorrectly guesses surfboards.  Riley incorrectly answers boogie boards.  Striker incorrectly says that they used skateboards to get to the ring. 

The correct answer was that they walked to the ring and carried skateboards because neither one knew how to skate board. 

Q5: Who has won the WWE title the most number of times?

Riley correctly answers HHH. 

Final score: Kaval - 700, Michael - 500, Riley - 200, viewers looking for entertainment value - 0. 

Kaval wins a huge feature on WWE dot com, positioned for the people going to vote for next week. 

Apparently Josh lost a cabellera contra cabellera (hair versus hair) match recently. 

We then get a RAW rebound where Shamus squashed NXT "pro" Zack Ryder.  Then a six pack challenge was announced where Shamus would fight five of other people including Wade Barrett. 

Cody versus M. V. P. is next, the battle of coaches who lost their rookies last week. 

Cody wins with CrossRhodes in a long match. 

And, that's it!?  No matches by the rookies?  Well, they couldn't really have a match and expose Riley's complete inability to work. 

But, if we're looking for actual wrestling action, we need look no farther than the pod-cast-a-go-go.  This week we get back to the King of Trios tournament with second round action. 

Our first match sees the awesome destructive power of Team Big Japan, Daisuke Sekimoto, Yuji Okabayashi, and Kankuro Hoshino against the high flying speed of The Future is Now, Jigsaw, Equinox and Helios.  Team Big Japan didn't sit on an airplane for sixteen hours to lose, and this night they barely even feel like selling.  First Hoshino absorbs a flurry of elbows by Helios and then kills him with a tornado palm strike and a second rope senton.  Jigsaw makes the save and then makes Hoshino sell by delivering an enzuigiri kick to the back of the head. 

However, Sekimoto comes in and with his mullet as his witness, he's not in the mode to sell either.  After a tornado elbow he sets up for the dead lift German suplex but gets blindsided by Equinox.  Sekimoto then eats a super kick and a 630 splash by Helios. 

Sekimoto is in such a selling mood that Equinox gets a one count. 

The technicos then go for a dive series but Sekimoto catches Equinox in the middle of doing a Sasuke Special and kills him with a German Suplex for the pin. 

The second match sees the BDK B team of Tim Donst, Lince Dorado, and Pinky "Pink Ant" Sanchez take on The Colony of Green Ant, Soldier Ant, and Fire Ant.  This match sees The BDK team go down in defeat as first Lince misses a dive to the outside, then Pinky eats a Beach Break on the apron and then finally a depressed looking Donst gets caught in the Chikara Special submission hold as applied by Soldier Ant and is forced to tap out. 

The final score again sees LLUSA on top with a mix of high flying, violence and goofy storylines.  Second is Chikara with their mix of hard hits, aerial action and submission wrestling.  In the cellar is WWE's NXT which I am starting to wonder should even be called a wrestling show any more.