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Welcome back to the Fun House Mirror, where we don't really look at a lot of stuff at all.
So, season three of WWE NXT. This time it will be all Divas.
Note that it doesn't say female professional wrestlers.
Will there be Youtube videos featuring real wrestling fans being grossed out while watching this show?
So far, as reported on Pro Wrestling Insider, the six foot nine rookie who looked like she could kick some serious ass has already been removed from the show. The reason? Apparently she had done some websites featuring her smothering willing males with her ass.
And, she was fired by a guy who feels that it is compelling entertainment to show him literally getting his bare ass kissed. A guy who had his head pushed into the bare ass of a seven foot tall four hundred plus pound man as part of a wrestling match.
So will this reporter not be able to stomach this show? Let's flip the deck of playing cards and find out.
We start out with a new opening theme. It sounds like it would be easier to pole dance to this song than Wild and Young. It even has the refrain of "you make it rain".
We retain Cole and Mathews, so not only will our eyes be assaulted but so will our ears. There were no divas that could announce?
Matt's in the ring and brings down the "pros" who introduce their rookies. Calling Kelly Kelly and Bella twins pros? Seriously?
Jamie Keyes (aka the blond with boobs) is rocking a new hairstyle.
We find out that Miss Aksana is a former Miss Fitness International, so styling her to look like Patricia Stratigias was no accident.
Vickie Guerroro introduces her new rookie Kaitlyn. She looks like a generic pole dancer.
Matt discusses that the rookies have a three month journey ahead of them, not mentioning that the show will no longer be on Sci Fi in October.
Again, we have the 50/50 split between pros and universe, which means that the heels would have a really short shelf life, if the show was going to last long enough for an elimination.
We then get a promo segment, so we to find out if not being able to talk is another attribute that these bimbos don't have along with not being able to wrestle.
Kaitlyn cuts a heel promo. She slurs some of her words but at least was more coherent than Michael Tarver.
However, Vickie is not satisfied and makes Katlyn do it again, because the audience ears were not bleeding enough.
Aksana speaks in thick accented broken English. If she said that she wanted to pump us up, I think that would have gotten over but PG13 WWE wouldn't have allowed it.
Too bad Colonel Ninotchka didn't do a run in, smoking her cigar.
Maxine's hair is straight this week, so she no longer looks like Lisa Marie Varon. Her heel promo gets the "what?" treatment by the fans.
A. J. is next, trying her best to seem like Mickey James. She tries to cut a generic baby face promo, and we all saw how those worked out for Lucky Cannon.
Jamie is next and she at least seemed confident. However, her hair, tan and boobs are still as unnatural as can be.
Naomi cuts a promo in sister speak, to moderate reaction.
Wow, I am not feeling any of these females.
Matt then announces the first rookie challenge is next and the girls all dance like strippers to the theme music.
We start off with a diva dance challenge.
Who won? I don't know or care. I turned the damn thing off.
This week, this unwatchable crappy show came from Baltimore, Maryland.
SPEEEEEEAKing of Baltimore, Maryland, did you know that Manami Toyota is making her US debut on September 18th, wrestling Daizee Haze on a Chikara show? Yes, wrestling. Not pole dancing, or cutting terrible promos, or parading around with an unnatural tan or enhanced boobage, but WRESTLING.
Oh, you don't know who Manami Toyota is? The your ass better CAAAALLL some body! Or, even better, look up a hundred or so of her videos on youtube.
Well, the Fun House Mirror is going into storage. There's no way someone could pay me to watch this garbage.
WWE - it stands for We Won't Examine.
