My name is Jafar Iqbal and, like you, I am a wrestling fan. Like you, I think up innovative ways to brutally maim Michael Cole. Like you, I shake my head every time CM Punk struggles to put Jack Swagger away. And like you, I wonder how so many TNA referees can make so many errors.
But there is one thing I don’t have in common with a lot of you – I come from that other side of the pond, that tiny little place they call London Town. We do things a little differently here. It’s football, not soccer. It’s Celsius, not Fahrenheit. And yes, it’s Red Dwarf, not Mike & Molly. So in the spirit of being different, I thought I’d start something a little different. A slightly left-of-centre view from the other side, you could say. Each week, I’ll study the weekly wrestling television I can get my hands on, and provide a Top 5 list on one particular theme that week. Sounds simple enough, right? Right. Good. So without further ado, I present to you:
THE TOP 5 DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION IN WRESTLING LAST WEEK
#5 – Teddy Long & Aksana (SmackDown)
Where better to start than those star-crossed lovers, from opposite sides of the track, Teddy and Aksana? Their fairytale romance continued this week, as Teddy agreed to take Aksana out in Vegas next week. You know the beautifully romantic moment when the sexy girl says something that is barely comprehensible? Or when the bald man old enough to be your father is having dirty thoughts about you hitting the black? Well, we had it all here, in one exhilarating vignette.
#4 – John Laurinaitis & David Otunga (RAW)
Slightly unconventional, yes, but the chemistry between these men is undeniable. Like J Edgar Hoover and Clyde Tolson before them, Johnny Ace and Mr. Hudson may sadly never be able to consummate their feelings, but a quick look at RAW this past week shows you just how serious their relationship has become. As a strangely-tanned Miz complained about a lack of protection, Otunga and Laurinaitis didn’t utter a word to each other. It was all in the shared glances and the subtle nods; they understood one another. They didn’t need words.
#3 ERIC YOUNG & ODB (Impact Wrestling)
Saved By The Bell, this is not. I won’t lie, I’m actually really enjoying this little storyline. There’s a silliness to it that just seems to work. But I digress. There was perhaps no better show of affection on TNA television this week than the courage Eric Young showed in trying to protect his ‘life partner’, ODB. Let’s not kid ourselves, Angelina Love doesn’t always come across as the…loveliest of ladies, shall we say? But the brave Mr. Young went that extra mile, lifting the lesbian zombie up and spinning her around. A lot. And it all ended with one of ODB’s hands being raised, while the other squeezed her breasts. I repeat: this is not Saved By The Bell.
#2 DANIEL BRYAN & AJ (SmackDown)
You know you’re in a healthy relationship when the man you love asks you to prove just how much you love him. Now, before your mind enters the gutter, AJ didn’t have to do any of that (not on camera, anyway). No, AJ did what all good girlfriends do, and got battered by a 500-pound giant. As the stretcher rolled up the ramp, Big Show weeping like a baby and Daniel Bryan acting badly, we can only safely assume that AJ’s thoughts were already on the names of their children. The match is a no contest, Bryan survives one more week, and love reigns supreme.
#1 ZACK RYDER & EVE (RAW)
Nothing, NOTHING, can top the love and affection we saw displayed between the Broski himself, Zack Ryder, and Eve. Eve finally said yes to a date with Ryder, who proceeded to do what all men do when that happens – thank John Cena for his help. But that was just the beginning. The real romance started as Ryder and Eve tried to run away from Kane. Here’s a good idea, woman I love. This really big, evil guy who has created Hell underneath our ring is on the hunt, but my tire is flat, so I’m just gonna lock you in the car. No, don’t run to safety, that’s absurd. Instead, I’ll keep you locked inside the car, so he’ll know exactly where you are. Did I forget to mention I’m absolutely awful at changing tyres? But hey, on the bright side, it was a memorable first date.
So there you have it. The first installment of ‘The Other Side’ is done and dusted. If you’ve got this far, I thank you for the time to read it, and hope you’ve been somewhat entertained. Any feedback, good and bad, will be greatly appreciated. And perhaps I’ll see you again next week. I’m out!