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If I didn’t watch wrestling…
Much has been said about wrestling companies wanting to reach a bigger audience.
The problem with that is they don’t seem to understand that to get a bigger
audience, their product should be interesting to people who don’t normally watch
it so they want to watch again. Bearing that in mind, I wonder what people who
have never watched wrestling would think about this week’s shows. It might go
something like this…
Monday Night Raw
Why is this chick discussing her evil plan to use the guy in jorts while
standing in front of a camera?
If the General Manager guy really wants a legal advisor, shouldn’t he get an
actual lawyer, rather than just getting the only guy on a wrestling roster who
happened to go to law school?
So these two guys who don’t normally tag together and who survived this brutal
match last night at the PPV just easily beat the tag team champions, despite
interference from the dancing Latin chick?
Why do they introduce the lawyer guy in his ring entrance as “a graduate of
Harvard law school?†Is that supposed to make him seem tough? Do they teach
wrestling moves at Harvard law?
Why did they turn the lights off in the hallway for the tall guy in the trench
coat to walk through? Is he sensitive to light?
So the show started off with a long talking segment with the guy in jorts
standing in the ring, and now an hour and a half later they bring him out again
for another talking segment in the ring? What more could this guy possibly have
to say?
Why is the guy in jorts telling everyone that his movies sucked? Seems like bad
marketing to me.
So the guy in jorts did movies, and Dwayne Johnson did movies. But Dwayne
Johnson’s movies were good and made a lot of money, while the guy in jorts
outright told us his movies sucked and made no money. So now he’s ripping on
Dwayne Johnson for leaving wrestling and making movies full-time because he had
the opportunity to do so because the movies he made were good and actually made
money? Sounds like someone is a bit jealous.
How is it fair that 3 of the 10 competitors in the #1 contender’s battle royal
were already in matches earlier on the show? And why do none of them seem upset
about that fact? It would seem to lessen their chances going into such an
important match.
Why did all eight smaller guys team up to eliminate the big Indian guy, but then
they totally left the guy in the camouflage singlet alone, even though he’s
bigger than the Indian guy whose elimination required all eight of them?
Friday Night Smackdown
This West African guy is really good at making weak clotheslines look more
difficult than they really are by jumping as high as he possibly can before
barely tapping his opponent with his arm on the way down.
Is this Youtube “Are You Serious?†stuff supposed to be funny? It looks like a
really bad ripoff of “Mystery Science Theatre 3000.â€
The lawyer guy looks like he’s taking his post-match bodybuilder posing far more
seriously than his matches.
Just how legit is this Twitter trending stuff? I find it very difficult to
believe that the #1 trend worldwide all night has been “Super Smackdown†as
they’re telling me.
Are they building to a match between the champion with all the tattoos and Chris
Brown? If not, they’re sure spending a lot of time talking about their feud.
Boy, they really, REALLY want me to watch this “Face Off†show.
After the champion vs champion match, why were both GMs trying to raise the hand
of the opposing show’s champion? Wouldn’t you as GM want your own champion to be
the dominant one?
IMPACT Wrestling
I get that having the countdown clock to the debut of the new live show coming
on after Impact makes it look important, but it also makes it look like Impact
is just the show you have to sit through until then.
Why did Brandon Jacobs say “For those of you football fans, I’m a running back
for the New York Giants.†Wouldn’t the football fans already know who he was?
Is the guy spraying a hairspray can everywhere supposed to look tough and
rebellious? “Oooooh yeah! I’m depleting the o-zone and there’s nothing you can
do about it!â€
So the old guy’s kid who is trying to show his dad he can make it as a wrestler
is doing so by wearing a red and white plaid shirt with the pirate skull and
bones on his shoulders? Is that supposed to make him look tough? Because it
makes him look like a little kid who gets beat up a lot.
So they announce the match for the TV title, but then before the match starts
they show an interview with the challenger talking about how the only thing he
cares about is the world heavyweight title, which isn’t the title he’s about to
challenge for? So why am I supposed to care about the following match when even
the challenger in the match doesn’t care about it?
This Jersey Shore ripoff and his bodyguard are almost as ridiculous as the two
announcers (who are well over the age of the Jersey Shore’s typical viewing
audience) talking about what a cool show “The Jersey Shore†is.
Okay Brandon Jacobs choke-slamming that guy through a table was pretty effing
cool.
So the GM said “I’m done†on Twitter, everyone’s been talking all night as
though it’s the retirement of a legend, and then the GM comes out to say that by
“I’m done†he meant he’s going to wrestle a match?
And why is the world champion afraid of an old guy who hasn’t wrestled in
awhile?
Ring of Honor Wrestling
Why would they put a guy with a suspension in their main event and then go into
your TV taping without a backup main event planned? And why would you tell the
crowd that so they know how poor your planning is?
Did the announcer really just compare this fat scraggly dude to Charles Manson?
That seems kind of tasteless considering Manson legitimately killed people.
If the fat scraggly dude is such a piece of crap and is trying to take down the
entire company, why don’t they just fire him? I can’t think of any other job
where you can act in a way that hurts your company and you are still allowed to
keep your job.
So if the team that lost the match with the $10,000 on the line stole the
checks, why are they complaining when the winning team stopped payment? And why
aren’t the guys who won the match complaining about not getting their money?
The Final Verdict
Based on this week’s shows and this week’s shows only:
I would be MOST likely to tune in next week to watch Friday Night Smackdown.
I would be LEAST likely to tune in next week to watch Monday Night Raw.
Running Total Score:
Monday Night Raw: 0 Most 3 Least
Friday Night Smackdown: 1 Most 2 Least
IMPACT! Wrestling: 4 Most 0 Least
Ring of Honor Wrestling: 0 Most 0 Least
