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If I didn’t watch wrestling…
Much has been said about wrestling companies wanting to reach a bigger audience. The problem with that is they don’t seem to understand that to get a bigger audience, their product should be interesting to people who don’t normally watch it so they want to watch again. Bearing that in mind, I wonder what people who have never watched wrestling would think about this week’s shows. It might go something like this…
Monday Night Raw
So Since Dwayne Johnson and the guy in jorts couldn’t find common ground just by talking, they’re going to try with an acoustic guitar and “Thuganomics?”
And now Mr. Thuganomics is rapping about how he doesn’t have balls, but he’s going to put his nuts in Dwayne Johnson’s face? So he has nuts, but not balls?
Wow, a sign in the crowd that says “Kick his arss fella.” I don’t even know that the misspelling of the word “arse” makes that any more lame.
Let’s see, I’ve got a major entertainment company with four hours of weekly TV and I’m trying to decide who I should put in charge of all my weekly TV. How should I make this difficult decision? Oh I know, I’ll have a wrestling match to decide who is most qualified to be singly responsible for overseeing all of my weekly TV. Sounds like a winner of an idea.
They even made an entrance video with music for the guy from Psych, and not all of their own wrestlers have their entrance videos and music shown? Wow, that’s cold.
Why did the guy with Christmas lights on his jacket have to put on his ring gear to watch the champion’s match on a TV monitor?
And he’s pretty close to that monitor, he should probably move back. Wouldn’t want to get leukemia.
So if I have a Twitter account, the wrestler who stands around posing can be my lawyer? Wow, to think I almost wasted money on a real lawyer who doesn’t stand around posing in his underwear for a living.
Was showing “highlights” of the “Thuganomics” crap multiple times really that necessary? It wasn’t that entertaining when I watched it live.
Dwayne Johnson comparing the “Thuganomics” guy to Vanilla Ice is very insulting to those of us who still have “Ice Ice Baby” as our ringtone.
Friday Night Smackdown
Why is the champion’s girlfriend trying on her new dress in the locker room at a TV taping with rolling cameras right there instead of somewhere more private?
If the Peep Show guy is coming back from injury, why is the Smackdown GM putting the onus on him to prove that he’s not medically cleared to compete? Shouldn’t it be the other way around and he should need a medical release to be cleared to return to work after an injury?
Even the “highlights” in the big Indian guy’s entrance video look awkward and clumsy.
“I embrace the hate, and in turn, the hate embraces me.” God, who writes this crap?
If the Scottish guy can’t be fired for a year, why isn’t he taking advantage of it by being a dick? If I was him, I’d call the GM a pussy and flash my junk to the entire live crowd and then brag about not being able to be fired.
So one guy asked the Smackdown GM to be on his Wrestlemania team via Twitter, and another asked him via a Youtube video. Doesn’t anybody in this company just talk face to face?
IMPACT Wrestling
Why do wrestlers need to have a contract signing for matches? Isn’t it their job to have wrestling matches?
If the Cowboy guy and the Bully guy want to fight so badly when they’re standing three feet apart, why don’t they just shut up and fight instead of standing there trying to sound tough?
When the X-Division champion gave the champagne glass to the guy he’s facing on Sunday, was anyone else not even remotely surprised when he threw it in his face?
Who the hell thinks getting married in a wrestling ring on a wrestling show is a good idea?
That was really nice of the referee of the women’s match to conveniently turn away for no reason at all just long enough for the women’s champion to hit her opponent with her title belt.
If we need to see a match to determine if a wrestler can last five minutes in a match, should that guy even have a job in a wrestling company?
The douchey-looking kid with his name on his chest throws the worst, ugliest fake punches ever. I keep waiting for the old Adam West Batman “BAM!” and “POW!” to pop up on the screen.
Ring of Honor Wrestling
If the fat, scraggly dude’s entire goal is to win the championship and hold the company hostage, why the hell would the company put him in a match that could result in a title shot?
The announcer just said that “there’s nothing illegal about” doing a banned move AFTER a match has ended. I would think the police would disagree with that as performing physical attacks meant to injure when not performed in the normal course of athletic competition are technically assault.
These talking segments with guys standing in front of a fence telling me they’re about to win their match are really terrible. Mostly because almost none of them act like they’ve ever talked into a mic before.
I have to admit, the champion yelling “This is bullsh*t!” into the mic after seeing shenanigans in a wrestling match cracked me up.
The Final Verdict
Based on this week’s shows and this week’s shows only:
I would be MOST likely to tune in next week to watch IMPACT Wrestling.
I would be LEAST likely to tune in next week to watch Ring of Honor Wrestling.
Running Total Score:
Monday Night Raw: 2 Most 3 Least
Friday Night Smackdown: 1 Most 4 Least
IMPACT! Wrestling: 5 Most 0 Least
Ring of Honor Wrestling: 0 Most 1 Least
