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THIS WEEK'S 'IF I DIDN'T WATCH WRESTLING...'

If I didn’t watch wrestling…
Much has been said about wrestling companies wanting to reach a bigger audience. The problem with that is they don’t seem to understand that to get a bigger audience, their product should be interesting to people who don’t normally watch it so they want to watch again. Bearing that in mind, I wonder what people who have never watched wrestling would think about this week’s shows. It might go something like this…

Monday Night Raw
Um, did the champion with all the tattoos just say “F you into the mic?”
The video of the big guy’s Wrestlemania “highlights” was pretty funny.
All this talk from Dwayne Johnson about sticking cheesesteaks up asses is making me hungry. I mean the cheesesteak part, not the ass part.
I think the world champion just repeating the word “YES!” over and over might be the single laziest catchphrase ever.
So the guy in jorts has “been in plenty of car wrecks before?” So auto accidents are a regular thing for this man and he still has a license? That’s kind of scary.
When the RKO guy talks, I get the impression that he gets paid by the hour and he’s milking the clock.
Ditto for the guy with the hood and trenchcoat when he’s walking to the ring.

Friday Night Smackdown
So if the Smackdown GM lets the Jersey Shore wannabe on his Wrestlemania team, he also gets a midget with a flag and a big goofy Indian guy who can barely move or speak English? Wow, what a deal!
With the addition of those All Stars, doesn’t the loud, annoying announcer kind of have a point about that team being a bunch of goofs?
Why did the Intercontinental Champion arrive at the arena at 1:09 just to do an “impromptu” interview, then sit around and wait seven hours until it was time to take his shirt off and interfere in a match?
And is there normally a reporter walking around doing “impromptu” interviews at 1:09 when the show doesn’t start for another seven hours?
Maybe it’s because I just watched the “Funkasaurus” segment, but what’s the point of even having a wrestling ring when the entrances and post-match antics take up a lot more time than the actual matches?
I just noticed I haven’t seen any of the “Trending on Twitter” crap on Fridays. Do they not do it on Fridays or is nothing good enough on Fridays to trend on Twitter?
Damn, spoke too soon. Two minutes after I wrote that I see the #NEWWWE.COM commercial with everyone talking about how totally awesome it is to write on Twitter about their web site.

IMPACT Wrestling
I wonder if the little lumberjack-lookin dude’s mom is proud of him being a women’s tag team champion.
The cowboy guy just asked why football season is only 18 weeks long. Um, what league is he watching?
I can’t decide what I hate most about this douchey-looking kid, his total lack of talent, his name tattooed on his chest, or his ridiculous sideburns.
Why did the guy who asked for the 3-minute challenge in the first place wait a whole minute before doing any offensive moves?
Why would you nominate someone to be in charge of a TV show who can’t even bother to show up until an hour and a half into a two hour TV taping?
So the Mexicans lost the women’s tag title match, the men’s tag title match, they have no money, and now the one car they have between the four of them just got repossessed. All in one show. Is that racist? Oh I guess not because the repo man just talked the Mexican women into ditching the Mexican men since they’re losers with no money and no car.
In one match we saw one guy lay out the entire X-division, and in another we saw one guy beat two in a handicap match. Does most of this roster just really suck or what?
If almost all this show has been young, athletic people having pretty decent wrestling matches, why does the show open and close with old people talking?


Ring of Honor Wrestling
What’s the point of having an interview segment when the mic can’t even be heard?
This talking segment between the old guy and the fat, scraggly dude is really dragging the show down.
If they’re only going to have two matches on this show, they probably shouldn’t start with one match, end with the other, and have a solid half hour of talking in between.
Why the hell would they show the ring announcer reading notes off his cheat sheet rather than cutting to a crowd shot? The actual matches on this show are pretty good, but the horrible production and editing (or lack thereof) are extremely poor and make it almost impossible to take anything seriously.

The Final Verdict
Based on this week’s shows and this week’s shows only:
I would be MOST likely to tune in next week to watch Monday Night RAW.
I would be LEAST likely to tune in next week to watch Ring of Honor Wrestling.

Running Total Score:
Monday Night Raw:             3 Most 3 Least
Friday Night Smackdown:   1 Most 4 Least
IMPACT! Wrestling:              5 Most 0 Least  
Ring of Honor Wrestling:     0 Most 2 Least