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If I didn’t watch wrestling…
Much has been said about wrestling companies wanting to reach a bigger audience. The problem with that is they don’t seem to understand that to get a bigger audience, their product should be interesting to people who don’t normally watch it so they want to watch again. Bearing that in mind, I wonder what people who have never watched wrestling would think about this week’s shows. It might go something like this…
Monday Night Raw
So the world champion’s girlfriend jumps in front of him, which costs his opponent the match, and the announcers are talking about how brave she is and what a risk she took? Not one person pointing out that she just cheated to help her boyfriend win a match?
So the loud annoying announcer is the official announcer for the “red team” at Wrestlemania? Don’t ALL the announcers call ALL the matches?
If the “red team” is full of former world champions, why isn’t one of them captain instead of the lawyer guy who knows more body builder poses than wrestling moves and who managed to hit himself in the face with a flag to lose a match?
So the Barbie-looking chick and the “Hoski” are in the ring for their match, the bell rings, and rather than start wrestling, the “Hoski” stands there watching while the Barbie-looking chick waves her arm until one-tenth of the crowd starts a lackluster “Hoski” chant. What an intense wrestling match.
I love that the announcers make sure to point out the names of Funkasaurus’s backup dancers as though anyone gives a rat’s ass.
And now we get fun facts about dinosaurs while the FUnkasaurus is dancing. I’m sure the six-year-olds this crap is clearly aimed at appreciate that.
So Wrestlemania has the “Once in a Lifetime” match and the “End of an Era” match. Which one is the “Same Crap You See Every Week” match?
So the announcer with the dreadlocks just laid out the big scary guy who had just laid out the entire “blue team?” So the announcers are tougher than the wrestlers?
Did the guy in jorts really just brag about being in the WWE even when it’s sucked and it isn’t cool to be associated with it? Way to talk about your employer on national television.
Friday Night Smackdown
Wow, this show is obviously a complete throwaway.
So one of the official Wrestlemania theme songs is called “Girl Gone Wild.” Um, why? Aren’t most of the people competing at Wrestlemania, um, not girls?
This Axxess stuff looks really interesting and entertaining. If I was seven.
I realize that for them they’re not concentrating on this show because they’re preparing for their biggest show of the year in two days. But there are still people watching this show and it’s probably a really bad idea to put forth such an obviously subpar effort and tell everyone you don’t care about one of your two weekly TV shows.
IMPACT Wrestling
If the bald guy doesn’t want to give the guy with the eyeballs painted on his eyelids a rematch at Lockdown, why is he wearing a Lockdown shirt?
Maybe it’s because I don’t watch country music videos, like, ever, but this music video for the Cowboy guy’s theme music is the worst music video I’ve ever seen.
And then after the video is done the one announcer says “I love that guy Montgomery Gentry.” And the other announcer says “Actually Montgomery Gentry is two guys.” Awkward.
So with Hulk Hogan having to make “The Decision,” if the owner lady really wants to convince him, shouldn’t she let him call his own plays, sign Jacob Tamme, and promise to trade Tim Tebow to the Jets?
If only six actual wrestlers plus the old guy’s kid came down to the ring to show their support for Hulk Hogan taking the GM position, does that mean the rest of the locker room doesn’t want him? Because six wrestlers and some kid isn’t very many when I’ve seen a lot more than that just on today’s show.
Ring of Honor Wrestling
Did I just hear one guy call another a “butt munch?” And did I just hear the crowd start chanting “butt munch” in response?
And did I then hear the same wrestler call someone “farthead,” which also elicited a crowd chant? What viewer age is this show written for exactly?
It’s hard to get excited about the upcoming 3-way championship match and subsequent “Blind Destiny” championship match when the real story seems to be the current champion vs the fat scraggly dude, and that’s not one of the “Blind Destiny” possibilities.
How is it that half of “March Mayhem” takes place in April?
Why is the entire wrestling industry obsessed with social media? All three companies talk seemingly nonstop about Facebook and Twitter. I wonder if it has occurred to them that a LOT of their viewers don’t have Twitter, don’t care about Twitter, and get turned off by having it shoved down their throat constantly.
The Final Verdict
Based on this week’s shows and this week’s shows only:
I would be MOST likely to tune in next week to watch IMPACT Wrestling
I would be LEAST likely to tune in next week to watch Friday Night Smackdown
Running Total Score:
Monday Night Raw: 3 Most 3 Least
Friday Night Smackdown: 1 Most 5 Least
IMPACT! Wrestling: 6 Most 0 Least
Ring of Honor Wrestling: 0 Most 2 Least
