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THE WRINGER REVIEW: A LONG THREE HOUR RAW FEATURING A CONTRACT SIGNING, A MATCH SPONSORED BY A TACO, AND PAUL BEARER…IN A FREEZER?!

By Michael LeBlanc on 4/24/2012 2:12 PM

Hello, fellow Wrestling Fans! You know, I was watching the USA Network today, and I noticed something curious. In the ads for tonight’s Raw, they advertised the Brock-Cena contract signing for an “Extreme Rules Rematch”. Now, unless I’m really off here, Brock and Cena have yet to have a match since Brock’s return three weeks ago. So, they’re either talking about a match they had eight years ago (that very few if any would remember), or they don’t know what they’re talking about! Just sayin’!

Let’s get Wringing!

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So they’re telling us that Teddy Long is so inept that he misinterprets instructions from Laurinaitis, despite the fact that the ring is set up for a contract signing?!

Did they invite Edge to Raw this week to remind him what a rush it is to appear before a live crowd, and therefore make him more amenable to signing another contract with the company?

Jericho gets a new Lite Bright jacket! Are we sure he’s leaving soon?

It makes you wonder – if Brock didn’t have outlets like UFC and WWE to compete in (seeing as how he “likes to beat people up”), would he be a felon?

And the irrelevance of R Truth continues…

Someone freed Paul Bearer from that block of cement? Who knew?

So, was the liquor bottle actually open, and was Punk actually drinking liquor? Circumstantial evidence at best!

So, what about all those times Steve Austin drank beer in the ring?!

Apparently the advice about bad news was the only thing JR taught Laurinaitis!

So, I guess Brock has leave to kick anyone’s ass he wants, even announcers?

Who made the Bellas wear those ugly-ass outfits?

Since when does a glorified Executive Assistant have the power to change any of the on-air product?

Okay, either the Bellas resigned with the company, or Beth legitimately hurt her leg. Otherwise, Nikki Bella as Divas Champ?! Seriously?

A field sobriety test…really?

Anyone else notice that Punk reversed the order of a couple of letters when he recited the alphabet “correctly”?

In a segment with Detroit police officers in it, administering a sobriety test, WWE had a chance to pull Robocop out of their ass, and didn’t?!

Is this recent run of victories the most consecutive wins Santino will ever have in his career?

So no one bothered to rescue Paul Bearer before Kane comes along? Then Kane takes him out, de-gags him, only to put him back inside the freezer? WTF?

Okay, a match sponsored by a Taco Bell taco?

So Hornswoggle is now Brodus Clay’s Mini-Me?!

Okay, we get it, Brock is an ass kicker!

Wow, did Brock prove why he needs Paul Heyman to do his promos for him in that last segment, or what?

All I could think when Cena came out for the contract signing was - Thug Mode: Activate!

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MISCELLANEOUS THOUGHTS

I liked the opening promo by Edge and the match that followed it. The Brock Lesnar storyline has been very good so far also – it has me interested in where they will go with him at Extreme Rules and beyond. The ridiculousness with Punk and the “sobriety test”, however, was just stupid. That build has been less than stellar in my eyes. I hope Beth Phoenix’s injury is not serious – the Divas division is seriously lacking without her around.

You can send all comments, praise, and hate mail to me at: ritnfool@yahoo.com.