If I didn’t watch wrestling…
Much has been said about wrestling companies wanting to reach a bigger audience. The problem with that is they don’t seem to understand that to get a bigger audience, their product should be interesting to people who don’t normally watch it so they want to watch again. Bearing that in mind, I wonder what people who have never watched wrestling would think about this week’s shows. It might go something like this…
Monday Night Raw
So can contracts negotiated between wrestlers and the “Executive Director of Talent Relations” normally be declared null and void the following week? And if so, then why is the COO asking Brock Lesnar if he would like to resume working under his previous contract? If that previous contract was legally binding, then why ask him?
Why did the COO need two people to help carry him out of the ring when Brock Lesnar “broke” his arm? How does a broken arm affect your ability to walk?
Why would anyone in a “Beat the Clock” match (in which the idea is to beat your opponent as quickly as possible) stop to taunt their opponent, pose, or stare at the clock?
I love how the ref tried to speed up his 10-count in the second “Beat the Clock” match so it would finish in time to beat the previous match’s record, but he couldn’t do it, so the announcers tried lying to trick us into believing it had beat the previous time, but once they realized how weak that looked, they had to go to commercial to come up with a new plan.
I also love how almost all of the matches on the show that were not “Beat the Clock” challenge matches took less time than the actual “Beat the Clock” matches.
When they do multiple replays of the same thing on a show, it really looks like they’re just trying to fill time.
Wow, even the guy in jorts appeared to laugh when the fat white guy pretending to be Japanese came out as his next PPV opponent. Oh wait, apparently his next PPV opponent is actually the GM. That’s even less appealing.
Friday Night Smackdown
Wow, that top rope move by the Spanish ring announcer was pretty impressive.
So the “Funkasaurus”’s backup dancers are the “Funkadactyls”? Lame.
And the random terrified kids from the audience they bring into the ring are the “Funketeers”? Lamer.
How does one get away with taking a “personal day” on a TV taping when there are only two a week? If I only worked twice I week I’d be going in with a smile, not trying to weasel out of work.
So this guy won “a match on Smackdown” while competing on NXT 5 months ago and is just now cashing in that prize? Really doesn’t make me want to watch NXT if that’s how important it’s treated.
Let me get this straight. The show opened with a match between the Irish guy and the “YES!” guy, but the match was stopped after the Mexican guy and his ring announcer interfered. The match got re-scheduled to close the show, and they had the Mexican guy and his ring announcer sitting at ringside where they wouldn’t have to go as far to interfere in the match AGAIN, which they, of course, did. Why would you have someone sitting at ringside for a match they’ve already interfered in once?
If this old crazy-looking guy paid a thousand dollars for his shirt, he overpaid.
This exchange between the old crazy-looking guy and Hulk Hogan was really, REALLY odd. “Hogan, I’m calling you out to kick your ass!” “Well I came out, but I don’t want to fight! I came out to ask you to teach some kids!” “You’re not asking me! You’re telling me! And if I say I don’t want to do it, you’ll tell me to f myself and do it anyway!” “Well you want to do this!” “You’re right! I do want to do it because I love kids! Wooooooo!” “Okay, I’m glad we had this discussion, brother!”
What exactly does “Often imitated, never intimidated” mean? I think someone flubbed their line.
This “Gut Check” segment with these three guys ripping on the kid from the tryout match makes me feel sorry for him because they all just keep talking about how bad his match was.
I like the idea of a “Stop being a little bitch and letting people push you around” campaign. I wanna see that on Ellen.
I can’t imagine being less interested in anything than I am in seeing “The Secret” revealed next week.
Ring of Honor Wrestling
How come when most people don’t do the pre-match handshake, it means they’re jerks, but when #DemBoys don’t do the pre-match handshake, it means they’re super focused?
Are they really talking about how this guy hasn’t been able to bang his wife for two weeks since he got hit in the nuts?
Is “fatass” the best insult the American Wolf guy can come up with? Because he’s used it at least fifteen times and doesn’t seem to have much else to say.
Ring of Honor would be well served to take all their microphones and just throw them away, because their matches seem to be good, but every time someone grabs a microphone, it tends to be awful.
The Final Verdict
Based on this week’s shows and this week’s shows only:
I would be MOST likely to tune in next week to watch Friday Night Smackdown
I would be LEAST likely to tune in next week to watch IMPACT! Wrestling
Running Total Score:
Monday Night Raw: 5 Most 3 Least
Friday Night Smackdown: 2 Most 6 Least
IMPACT! Wrestling: 6 Most 3 Least
Ring of Honor Wrestling: 1 Most 2 Least