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If I didn’t watch wrestling…
Much has been said about wrestling companies wanting to reach a bigger audience. The problem with that is they don’t seem to understand that to get a bigger audience, their product should be interesting to people who don’t normally watch it so they want to watch again. Bearing that in mind, I wonder what people who have never watched wrestling would think about this week’s shows. It might go something like this…
Monday Night Raw
When the GM got injured while wrestling in Japan and it messed up his vocal cords, did it also mess up his speaking ability? Because it seems like he flubs almost all his lines.
The guy with the championship belt and tattoos just came to the ring to talk smack to the GM about his match with someone else at the PPV, yet barely mentioned his own match, and neither announcer mentioned or, and none of them bothered to even acknowledge his title belt at all. Why?
So there’s no need for a 7-foot 400 lb, 40-year old except in the WWE? Really? What about all those big guys you see in action movies? Are they all CGI?
How exactly is a “business advisor” who handles your financial matters supposed to help someone win a wrestling match? I’m pretty sure Peyton Manning doesn’t consult his agent before calling plays in football games.
If “a lot of doctors” are telling the guy in jorts that he shouldn’t compete for “the next few months,” then how is he also “cleared to compete” as he just said? Seems kind of contradictory to me.
How is something a “WWE.com exclusive” if it’s being shown on TV? And who all do they normally have to compete with for “exclusive” content? Does TMZ hang out backstage at RAW?
If this “Foreign Exchange” clip is supposed to get me to want to watch the stuff on their YouTube channel, then I’m staying the hell away from that hot mess.
What happens if the Funkasaurus loses? Do he and his dancers still do the after-match dance party?
It’s pretty amazing how the announcers had a copy of Brock Lesnar’s “I Quit” letter not ten seconds after his rep read it for the first time live on the air.
So the secretary lady said at 10:15 she was going to go get the big guy because she didn’t like his apology, but she didn’t find him until 10:55? What took her so long to find him? It isn’t like he moves fast.
They can say all they want about Brock Lesnar making them “legitimate,” but when your main event is features a guy rubbing a blinding substance in his opponent’s eyes and it’s a perfectly legal tactic, I’m calling BS on the “legitimacy.”
Friday Night Smackdown
If a champion has a 25% chance of retaining his title in a Fatal Fourway match, how is that “nearly impossible?” I can think of much worse odds to have than 25%.
Is girly-girl drama supposed to be interesting to me on TV? Because I don’t care about in real life when it’s coming from my wife, much less when it’s two people I don’t know on TV.
So the “YES!” guy came out to the ring just to tell his ex-girlfriend he was going to hook up with her best friend? Does the fact that I laughed really, really hard at that make me a dick? Yeah, I thought so.
This GM might as well just cut the long-winded speeches and just say “Respect my authorit-ah!”
“I’m not surprised that you’re into Little Jimmy, I hear you have some imaginary friends, too!” “Yeah, one of them are you!” What the hell’s the point of having announcers when this is the best they can do?
From the “Did You Know” segment: “Last month, over 620 million unique pages were viewed on WWE.com.” Really? I’m pretty sure they meant they had over 620 million unique page loads, because I doubt their web site has over 620 million unique pages. That’s the kind of thing their editor should probably catch before it airs so smartasses like me don’t.
Did that announcer just call the Funkadactyls the Funkadelics? What a moron, everyone knows they’re the Funkadactlys.
IMPACT Wrestling
If these two smokin’ hot chicks are going to shake their asses at each other, I’ll watch this show every week no matter how much the match itself sucks.
I really liked the #1 contender’s video where he was talking about comparing his life to Achilles’ Choice. But maybe it’s just because I’m a nerd like that.
Why would the president of the company allow these two guys to take their time walking to the ring to show everyone pictures of her making out with a wrestler? I mean her little producer guys in the back have been running to the ring every five minutes to break something up tonight, why did they let these two guys make her look like a whore without so much as asking them not to or cutting their mics out when they realized what they were doing.
Why were people booing when the Bully guy came out to interrupt the lawyer babbling in the ring? The Bully guy is far more entertaining, so as far as I’m concerned, he did the lawyer a solid by showing up to save him.
So the lawyer guy asked for time in the ring to talk about his missing brother, called the Bully guy out to ask about his missing brother, but then when the Bully guy actually came out, the lawyer barely mentioned the missing brother at all.
And now the missing brother comes back at the end of the show when he has nothing to do with what’s going on just to tell his little brother the lawyer (who’s not even there anymore) to back off? Um, what?
Ring of Honor Wrestling
Wow, I officially saw the “YES!” chant on every show this week.
Why does the fat scraggly dude carry a tennis racket with him?
The announcer just made a really good point. Why are all the security guards holding back the champion who is being attacked and letting the fat scraggly dude continue to do whatever he wants?
In the age of increased concussion awareness, I just don’t see how it’s a good idea to have wrestlers kicking each other in the head as often as Ring of Honor guys do.
The Final Verdict
Based on this week’s shows and this week’s shows only:
I would be MOST likely to tune in next week to watch Ring of Honor Wrestling
I would be LEAST likely to tune in next week to watch Monday Night RAW
Running Total Score:
Monday Night Raw: 5 Most 4 Least
Friday Night Smackdown: 2 Most 6 Least
IMPACT! Wrestling: 6 Most 3 Least
Ring of Honor Wrestling: 2 Most 2 Least
