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If I didn’t watch wrestling…
Much has been said about wrestling companies wanting to reach a bigger audience. The problem with that is they don’t seem to understand that to get a bigger audience, their product should be interesting to people who don’t normally watch it so they want to watch again. Bearing that in mind, I wonder what people who have never watched wrestling would think about this week’s shows. It might go something like this…
Monday Night Raw
This big guy’s theme music is very appropriate for him. Slow and repetitive.
When the Mexican aristocrat drives his car into the arena, does he still have to pay for parking?
How is that guy that just got pushed into a wall by the big guy the #1 trend on Twitter? Did all the non-WWE related Tweeters go to the bathroom at the same time or what?
If the evil GM has a broken clavicle, a torn ACL, and seventeen other injuries, why does he not have so much as a cast, brace, or even a Band-Aid?
Did the evil GM just say “I has become...” and “somebody who bodies…”? Him doesn’t has good English.
How does the loud announcer know how much the evil GM’s suit cost? And why should I care anyway?
Did they seriously cut off the top of the champ’s face for the cover of the new WWE game?
And isn’t it a little early to be pushing a game that comes out in October? Can you pre-order it this early?
Speaking of ordering wrestling merchandise, do they really expect anyone to order a shirt that says “Brogue Kick Hooligans” on it? I mean, of all the wrestling-related things they could put on a shirt that might be socially acceptable enough to wear in public, “Brogue Kick Hooligans?” Really?
You mean the Funkadactyls even do that ridiculous dancing while they’re walking around backstage?
Friday Night Smackdown
So they run a video package with the little masked guy in his blue outfit, the blue porno lights came up, and out comes the guy in the blue outfit. Only he’s wearing a red outfit, which looked very odd with the blue porno lighting.
Speaking of red, the little redheaded hillbilly was sure running his mouth a lot for a guy whose ring entrance wasn’t even shown.
Maybe this makes me a bad person, but watching those two dorks getting beat the f up by that bald crazy guy made me laugh really, really hard.
Pointing out that the WWE title hasn’t been defended on Smackdown in four years doesn’t emphasize how prestigious that is nearly as much as it emphasizes how Smackdown is definitely the “B” show.
And it makes that “first Smackdown WWE title match in four years” even less prestigious when the announcers are arguing over whether the champ likes that cute girl at ringside instead of talking about the actual match.
I have to admit, I crack up every time something happens that the announcer with the dreadlocks didn’t expect so he yells “What… the… HELL?!?!?!” I feel the sudden urge to make one of those YouTube mashup videos where you take funny quotes and put them to a beat with a video.
I also loved his next gem of “That move right there, ten times out of ten times will normally get your opponent. But not tonight.” So clearly it doesn’t get your opponent ten times out of ten times, then does it?
IMPACT Wrestling
Why do I find it hard to believe that an actual wrestling fan (and not a company plant) would bring a sign to a TV taping that says “TNA: The Next Evolution of Pro Wrestling.”
The old guy jumping over the top rope looked pretty impressive for his age.
If the lawyer guy didn’t want to fight the Bully guy, why did he get out of his seat and walk towards the ring when the Bully guy said he wanted to fight him?
The backstage Gut Check segment was really interesting, but it was also very odd, because the judges were talking in such a way that pretty much reminds the audience that the matches you’re watching are fake.
Holy crap, Brooke Hogan is HUGE. And she’s getting a lot of boos.
Should they really be showing a video of the debut of WWE’s intercontinental champion as being a great moment in their history? First, he obviously didn’t care to stick around, so that makes them look bad. Second, he didn’t get a lot of fanfare on his WWE appearances this week, so to act as though he was a huge deal for you when he clearly isn’t anything special for the company he left you to go to REALLY makes them look bad.
I’ve been mostly impressed with this show, and there’s been much less bad theatre and random, uninteresting bullcrap than on WWE TV this week.
Ring of Honor Wrestling
I just don’t know how good of an idea it is to effectively give your fans who bought a PPV the finger by putting your top match in its entirety on free TV. It might show some people what they missed out on by not ordering the PPV, but it might also show them that there’s no need to pay money for what might end up on free TV anyhow.
They’ve had to blur an awful lot of middle fingers on this show.
Why would they make a point of having the announcers point out that the GM isn’t at the PPV because he’s not allowed in the country? Because if it’s my company, I’m lying my ass off and telling fans he’s sick or something. Your general manager not being allowed in a country you’re running a show in is not something you want a lot of people knowing about.
The Final Verdict
Based on this week’s shows and this week’s shows only:
I would be MOST likely to tune in next week to watch IMPACT! Wrestling
I would be LEAST likely to tune in next week to watch Monday Night RAW
Running Total Score:
Monday Night Raw: 5 Most 7 Least
Friday Night Smackdown: 2 Most 6 Least
IMPACT! Wrestling: 9 Most 3 Least
Ring of Honor Wrestling: 2 Most 2 Least
