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If I didn’t watch wrestling…
Much has been said about wrestling companies wanting to reach a bigger audience. The problem with that is they don’t seem to understand that to get a bigger audience, their product should be interesting to people who don’t normally watch it so they want to watch again. Bearing that in mind, I wonder what people who have never watched wrestling would think about this week’s shows. It might go something like this…
Monday Night Raw
Is this opening interview segment supposed to be some sort of hard-hitting journalism where the reporter asks the tough questions? Because Mike Wallace this guy is not.
How is it you can’t challenge the evil GM to a match, but you can challenge an announcer to a match?
And the guy in jorts just said that the evil GM was a bully, only to turn around and force an announcer to fight him, when the announcer has no reasonable chance of defending himself? Hypocrite much?
Why are they bragging about the Wrestlemania DVD selling more copies than the DVD of the most recent Super Bowl? Are they really trying to imply that Wrestlemania is more popular than the Super Bowl? Most everybody that wants to watch the Super Bowl, watched the Super Bowl live, because it’s on free TV. Pretty much the only people who would buy a DVD of the Super Bowl would be Giants fans, and they just won a Super Bowl a few years ago, so it’s not like Giants fans had waited a long time for a Super Bowl winner and would feel the need to own that history.
If half the matches on RAW are rematches of the best matches from the most recent Smackdown, and half of Smackdown is replays of the most recent RAW, why exactly should I want to watch Smackdown?
So the match between the masked guy and the WWE champ was a title match on Friday, but since there wasn’t a conclusive finish, they’re doing a rematch today. Only this rematch isn’t for the title, why?
I love how the tag team champs are all bandaged up and the announcers are talking about how hurt they are, yet they’re not acting hurt in the least.
When the guy in jorts’s match with the announcer started, why did he immediately start removing the announcer’s clothes? Is this really something we want all the kids in the audience to learn? That when you have a problem with another person, you forcibly remove their clothing?
And if the announcer didn’t want to be in this match anyway, why didn’t he immediately tap out so the match would be over?
Of course if he’d done that, then he wouldn’t have been able to take a bath from the several full bottles of BBQ sauce the other announcer just happened to have. Wouldn’t that have been a shame if we’d not gotten to see a nearly naked man with BBQ sauce all over him wrestling around with another man?
You mean to tell me the evil GM is trying to save his job, so he put on a main event featuring your top guy forcibly removing the clothing of your top announcer, slathering him with BBQ sauce, and rolling around with him? Yeah, I’m sure that’ll save his job since it’s such compelling television.
Friday Night Smackdown
Was sending the big lumbering Indian guy out to have a match with the Mexican aristocrat supposed to be a punishment? Because the guy can barely move, so that’s not much of a punishment.
How is telling someone they’ve been yanked from the live “A” show and they’re now on the taped “B” show that is half recaps of the live “A” show a good news/bad news scenario? It just sounds bad to me.
I love how the announcers are playing up that the Funkasaurus is serious now and has cut out the goofing around as he’s doing his pre and post-match dancing.
I also love how the announcers made a point of talking up how both of the bald jacked-up guy’s opponents can attack him at the same time in the handicap match, only for both of them to literally stand in the corner, make no attempt to get in any offense at all, and just wait to get their asses kicked.
Why are 80% of WWE’s matches completely one-sided jokes where one wrestler doesn’t even have his ring entrance shown?
And why is almost every segment that isn’t a one-sided joke match a bad theatre segment that goes way too long? It just seems like they’re trying to cram fifteen minutes of ideas into two hours of TV time.
IMPACT Wrestling
So the show’s opening video is all about what a whore the owner is, and she let them play that video?
And now she’s letting them show a video from when she let a camera crew follow her while she chewed out the production crew for showing something that made her look bad?
And now that same production crew that got chewed out for making her look bad is playing the entrance music of the guys who called her a whore, so they can come out to interrupt her tearful, heartfelt speech and call her a whore again? This is a little much this early in the show.
And if this lady cheated on her husband with a wrestler, why is the crowd cheering for her and the guy she cheated with? Unless they’re like me and they just can’t feel sorry for a guy named Serge.
If Hulk Hogan wanted to give his daughter some advice, why didn’t he just talk to her instead of giving this great fatherly advice to a random cameraman?
Am I really supposed to believe that a LAWYER would sign a contract without reading it?
So the 70’s porn star-looking guy said he doesn’t care what the fans think, then immediately started talking about how he’s trending on Twitter? What?
I love how they edited out every cuss word all night, until Hulk Hogan’s big announcement segment toward the end of the show, when the word “asshole” was said at least seventeen times unedited.
If the “wrestler banging the owner” story is so awkward and uncomfortable to talk about, why did the announcers keep talking about it and showing the replays all night long?
Ring of Honor Wrestling
So “Hybrid Fighting” rules are what they’re calling a knockout-or-submission-only match? They don’t want to just say “MMA” rules?
The Dominant Male’s beard makes him look really old and creepy.
And speaking of both “Hybrid Fighting” rules and the Dominant Male, he just won a match via referee stoppage after repeated blows to his opponent’s head with his elbow, which caused his opponent to be unable to defend himself, which was followed by the former champ talking about his martial arts prowess. They really do have a serious hard-on for MMA in this company.
It’s very odd, but it seems like TNA is the only wrestling company that actually wants to put on an actual wrestling show. WWE seems to want to put on a bad theatre variety show, and ROH seems to want to put on an MMA show. Is everyone that embarrassed to be a wrestling company that they’re trying to pretend they’re something else?
The Final Verdict
Based on this week’s shows and this week’s shows only:
I would be MOST likely to tune in next week to watch IMPACT! Wrestling
I would be LEAST likely to tune in next week to watch Monday Night RAW
Running Total Score:
Monday Night Raw: 5 Most 8 Least
Friday Night Smackdown: 2 Most 6 Least
IMPACT! Wrestling: 10 Most 3 Least
Ring of Honor Wrestling: 2 Most 2 Least
