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If I didn’t watch wrestling…
Much has been said about wrestling companies wanting to reach a bigger audience. The problem with that is they don’t seem to understand that to get a bigger audience, their product should be interesting to people who don’t normally watch it so they want to watch again. Bearing that in mind, I wonder what people who have never watched wrestling would think about this week’s shows. It might go something like this…
Monday Night Raw
If the evil GM was fired last night, why is a handicap match he booked for tonight to punish someone still on?
And if he was fired, why is he able to dictate when he’s going to give his farewell address?
And if he was fired for being such a bastard, why is he getting to give a farewell address anyway?
So these two young guys are having a match to see who wins the “admiration, respect, and affection” of the old screechy lady? Talk about a lose-lose situation.
The big guy kind of has a point, why is the evil GM laughing when he just got fired?
And if he’s fired, why is he in backstage segments? For someone who’s “fired,” he’s sure been a central part of the show so far.
Why is this Smackdown preview telling me to tune in to Smackdown to see PPV results that have already been revealed on the show I’m watching now?
Brock Lesnar’s lawyer looks more like a porno director.
Seeing Cyndi Lauper makes me really glad I was too young to remember most of the 80s.
And wow, she seems like a mess. She can’t even find the hard camera, despite the fact this lady is trying to point her right at it.
Did this announcer really just apologize for a segment with a celebrity in it? Why would you do that? Do you never want celebrities to appear on your show again?
Wow, this redhead will now forever be known as “that guy that got knocked on his ass by a stumbling, middle-aged Cyndi Lauper.”
Okay never mind, that announcer should have apologized for this segment, because it was REALLY bad.
Friday Night Smackdown
I’d be more impressed with the bald, jacked-up guy beating two dudes at once if they actually tried to get in some offense and they weren’t both smaller than the female ring announcer.
Do they really think it’s okay in 2012 to have segments on your TV show with people making derogratory “go eat some sushi” comments to a Japanese guy?
Why does the announcer with the dreadlocks have to shorten everyone’s name by using their first initial and half of their last name? Is he too lazy to say their actual name?
I wonder if the “YES!” guy ever gets tired of yelling “YES!” every time he hits a big move.
Why would the redhead actually remind people that Cyndi Lauper knocked him on his ass on Monday? I’d be praying like hell that everyone forgot.
If even the announcers are talking about how terrible “No Holds Barred” was, why the hell are they re-releasing a re-mastered version of it?
So the guy with a green sock on his hand came to the ring just to read a couple crowd signs and make out with an audience plant? Filler much?
So a future PPV’s tickets go on sale tomorrow and they’re telling us to buy those tickets, but they’re not actually telling us where the PPV is located or when it’s happening? Because when I buy expensive tickets for something a few months in advance, I generally like to know where the hell I’m going to be going and when the hell I’m going there.
IMPACT Wrestling
I cracked up at the guy drinking a cocktail in the back when he got called out for a match and getting pissed off that he couldn’t finish his cocktail.
For someone who sort of had a singing career for like ten minutes, Brooke Hogan has a terrible voice.
Call me a dick, but I don’t like this Gut Check girl only because she spells her name “Taeler.” It seems even my spell-checker doesn’t like her, and really wants to call her “Taylor,” “Tailor,” or “Teal.”
Okay now I don’t like her because all her moves look extremely fake and they insult my intelligence.
These hidden camera segments with the owner lady and her boy toy discussing their secret are hokey.
But not as hokey as the segments with Brooke Hogan telling all the female wrestlers they’re not getting a title match because their heads aren’t in the right place and they need to focus. I just want one of them to tell her that if she had focused better herself instead of being on TMZ with her creepy dad rubbing lotion on her ass, maybe her singing career would’ve lasted longer than ten minutes.
The scoring system in this BFG series seems extremely convoluted, like they don’t want anybody else to be able to accurately keep track of it.
Is the crowd seriously booing right now because the owner lady and her boy toy were NOT having an affair?
So they weren’t having an affair, they were helping a random drug addict, and THAT is supposed to explain all the hand-holding, makeout pictures, videos of them going to hotel rooms, and phone calls wanting to know how long her husband would be away so he could come over? Whatever. Real letdown of an ending to an otherwise really good show.
Ring of Honor Wrestling
Why does the Prodigy’s manager have a cigar in his mouth if it isn’t lit? Does he just like the taste of cigar?
Even if it’s their actual initials, why would any wrestler go by the initials QT? It’s hard to be taken seriously as a tough guy when your ring name sounds like a teenage girl’s internet handle.
The whole “do they or don’t they” situation of the TV champ’s manager and the Dominant Male’s entourage having some sort of wink-wink-nudge-nudge backdoor deal just comes across like they’re trying desperately to add lame drama to a situation for no reason.
The Final Verdict
Based on this week’s shows and this week’s shows only:
I would be MOST likely to tune in next week to watch IMPACT! Wrestling
I would be LEAST likely to tune in next week to watch Friday Night Smackdown.
Running Total Score:
Monday Night Raw: 5 Most 8 Least
Friday Night Smackdown: 2 Most 8 Least
IMPACT! Wrestling: 12 Most 3 Least
Ring of Honor Wrestling: 2 Most 2 Least
