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If I didn’t watch wrestling…
Much has been said about wrestling companies wanting to reach a bigger audience. The problem with that is they don’t seem to understand that to get a bigger audience, their product should be interesting to people who don’t normally watch it so they want to watch again. Bearing that in mind, I wonder what people who have never watched wrestling would think about this week’s shows. It might go something like this…
Monday Night Raw
Very nice video about the show’s history to open this show.
Did this idiot really dress up like he was going to an actual wedding to make one of these damn Tout videos for the “YES!” couple’s wedding? I feel a little better about myself after seeing that.
Did they really just have the crazy chick point out to someone else how dumb a lot of stuff is on this show? That seems like the kind of thing that you would NOT call attention to in the hopes that your viewing audience doesn’t notice.
I should’ve had entrance music at my wedding. Like maybe “It’s the End of the World as We Know it.”
Okay, the homeless lumberjack line was hilarious.
Why exactly do they keep asking Charlie Sheen what he thinks about the show? Is Charlie Sheen an expert on wrestling?
Wait, did Charlie Sheen just make a comment about someone not treating women properly? Um…
I love how the guy who started the show goofing around with his merry band of misfits all of a sudden walks out with his serious face on because now it’s business time. Makes it hard to take it seriously.
And now the announcers are playing with stuffed toys? How much more merchandise are they going to try to peddle on this show? I almost feel like I’m watching an infomercial.
Please tell me they’re not talking about having a wrestling match involving Charlie Sheen and the homeless lumberjack. That sounds horrible, yet mesmerizing at the same time. Like a bus accident involving a bus of midgets and a bus of Charlie Sheen in a fight with a homeless lumberjack. I know I shouldn’t, and I know I’ll hate myself for it later, but I must watch.
So they’re starting their big main event at 10:59? They had a three hour show and had to squeeze their big main event wrestling match almost entirely into the overrun?
And that big main event just ended up being all about how the champ sucks and was getting his ass kicked by the guy with the red lunch box until the big slow guy helped him, at which point he STILL couldn’t win. And even then the champ who clearly sucks ass still would’ve lost the match unless the big slow guy interfered again, so the sucky champ got mad and attacked Dwayne Johnson? What a flat ending to such a big show.
Friday Night Smackdown
What does it say about the “Feed Me More” guy when he needed a countout to beat a guy whose ring entrance wasn’t even shown?
What a coincidence, all three announcers are drinking out of Sonic cups with the company name facing the camera. Hooray for obvious product placement!
If I had the title match lunchbox and could use it any time I wanted, I would run the champion over with my car, hit him with a tire iron a few times for good measure, and THEN cash in the lunch box.
I didn’t time it, but I could guarantee that this show had more wrestling in two hours than RAW had in three hours.
IMPACT Wrestling
If this creepy old referee was making out with one of the women in this match, why is he allowed to officiate her match? Seems like a conflict of interest to me.
I have to say I don’t like this Gut Check guy. He looks like a substitute science teacher, and after almost every move, he celebrates as though he just won the match.
I love how this new guy keep talking about his great wrestling’s family’s legacy while neglecting to mention a single thing he’s done to further that legacy. He’s coming across like the Cooper Manning of that family.
The pregnant crack-ho scowling at ringside should probably get some acting lessons, because her expressions look really fake.
So the first Gut Check judge said no to giving the guy a contract because he wasn’t doing his job and watching the match? How is that fair?
Why is the champion asking all the potential X-Division title challengers their races before deciding on a challenger? What does race have to do with getting a title shot?
If the X-Division champ has a history of using his hairspray can illegally to win matches, why is it allowed at ringside?
Ring of Honor Wrestling
Team Sexy? Seriously? Is that the best they can come up with?
Why would the GM want to bring in wrestlers from other companies to challenge their champion and hopefully beat him? Doesn’t that make you look bad if someone from outside your company is holding your championship?
Did this announcer really just describe this woman as “one of the legitimately toughest women in wrestling?” He might as well have said “Yeah they’re mostly really wimpy and we only pretend they’re tough because this is a bunch of fake crap, but this one actually is tough. True story.”
So all you have to do to get a title shot in this company is yell in the GM’s face?
Did this chucklehead really just say on a wrestling show that he doesn’t watch “fake sports like football?” Penis envy much?
How is it that the guy who was barely able to stand and get in the ring to beat a 20-count was then able thirty seconds later to get a running start and dive over the ring ropes to the outside?
The Final Verdict
Based on this week’s shows and this week’s shows only:
I would be MOST likely to tune in next week to watch IMPACT! Wrestling.
I would be LEAST likely to tune in next week to watch Ring of Honor Wrestling.
Running Total Score:
Monday Night Raw: 5 Most 10 Least
Friday Night Smackdown: 3 Most 9 Least
IMPACT! Wrestling: 13 Most 3 Least
Ring of Honor Wrestling: 5 Most 4 Least
