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If I didn’t watch wrestling…
Much has been said about wrestling companies wanting to reach a bigger audience. The problem with that is they don’t seem to understand that to get a bigger audience, their product should be interesting to people who don’t normally watch it so they want to watch again. Bearing that in mind, I wonder what people who have never watched wrestling would think about this week’s shows. It might go something like this…
Monday Night Raw
Is the guy in jorts being on a first-name basis with a referee supposed to make him a nice guy? I’m on a first-name basis with everyone I work with and I don’t see anybody patting me on the back for it.
How does combining two main event singles matches into one tag match make for a “super main event?” It sounds like a downgrade to me.
I wonder if the reason WWE shows are so much more socially active than everything else is that people are actually watching all those other shows instead of asking their friends what happened on Twitter because they don’t care enough to tune in.
They didn’t say this, but I really hope the proceeds from the sale of this t-shirt for the announcer who had a heart attack go to help pay for his medical bills, because that would be really scummy to cash in on someone having a heart attacking to make some quick money from sympathetic fans.
If the announcers don’t know who attacked the girl that was supposed to get a Diva’s title shot last night, why don’t they just ask her who did it? I’m sure she would tell them.
It’s bad enough when the crowd starts chanting “boring,” but what does it say when one of the announcers actually agree with them out loud that what I’m watching on my TV is, in fact, boring?
The gratuitous Subway commercial disguised as a backstage skit was really obnoxious, especially considering it was longer than a normal commercial break and it had wrestlers in it so I didn’t know to fast forward right through it.
Did the guy in jorts really just ask why the pasty redhead wanted ice cream when he said “Let’s drink a few pints and make a toast”? Does he really not know that a “pint” said by an Irish person likely refers to an alcoholic beverage, even with the context clues suggesting that one was supposed to drink said pint, and make a toast? Is he really that dense and/or ignorant of other world cultures?
Okay, we get it, the tag team champs are an odd couple that just can’t get along and are going to argue and fight, yet still find some zany way to win their matches. Can you please stop beating us over the head with it?
Speaking of the tag champs, I’m guess someone at that company REALLY wants to sell t-shirts that say “I am the tag team champions!” Good luck getting people to wear that one out in public anywhere other than a wrestling show.
I laughed when they showed the B.A. Star kids in the audience and the people behind them were jumping around trying to get in the camera shot, and the announcer tried to spin it as the kids were getting a standing ovation, when really it was just people being douchebags.
Considering that just tonight we’ve seen the Funkasaurus doing a dance with kids, a really painfully unfunny backstage Subway commercial, a guy talking to his imaginary friend, a “talk show,” a guy bringing a green sock puppet to the ring, and two grown-ass men fighting like a married couple, only to “hug it out” at the prompting of the audience, I don’t see how this company can consider their home video productions as “sports” DVDs. There isn’t anything at all in that last sentence that suggests that this could be called “sports.”
Why are the people in the crowd booing the guy who looks like Jesus with a mullet for talking about how important school is? And what does it say about these people that they’re booing education? Do they want us all to be uneducated buffoons? Although the vocabulary lesson did crack me up.
So the ref made a bad call last night in the main event at the PPV, and the ref made a bad call in tonight’s main event? Is this their way of trying to be topical because of the replacement ref situation in the NFL?
Friday Night Smackdown
Okay, the “I am the tag team champions” stuff was stupid on Monday, and they’re already starting to beat it into the ground on Friday.
You know, when I turned on a wrestling show today, I certainly didn’t expect to see two grown-ass men “hugging it out” while a third grown-ass man stands by yelling because he’s jealous until they motion for him to join the hug.
Tell me they did not just seriously devote the entire first half hour of the show to “I am the tag team champions” and “hugging it out.” Oh my God, they did. I just looked at the clock.
I love the announcer saying “This looks like a premeditated attack” as three guys beat on the Funkasaurus. I’m glad he cleared that up for me, because I thought it was a complete accident that two guys who weren’t involved in the match both ran out at the exact same time and both started helping the One Man Band guy beat up the Funkasaurus.
So the tag champs weren’t getting along all night, but now they’re bonding because they like beating the hell out of people with chairs? I think I would’ve enjoyed this show a lot more if I hadn’t yet hit puberty. Seriously, when I typed that sentence, my little spell-check came up and I had missed the letter “d” in the word “bonding,” which totally changes the meaning of that sentence. And seeing the result of that typo was more entertaining to me, than anything else on this show. Good one WWE, you got outdone by a typo.
I thought that first half hour being devoted entirely to the tag champs got long in the tooth, and that was before I knew they would have several more backstage segments, as well as two more matches devoted to them. There must have been two-thirds of this show devoted to just those two. They really, REALLY beat that dead horse into the ground on this show.
IMPACT Wrestling
Ooooh, Shaquille O’Neal has Hulk Hogan’s back. Maybe he’ll go all Shaq-Fu on someone’s ass.
I’m sorry, but I just can’t take this skinny, dorky, 18-year-old kid seriously as a wrestler.
How is the guy who didn’t want to fight but was forced to in dress pants with no shoes on able to keep up with the Cowboy guy who’s in his regular ring gear? It seems like not wearing shoes or appropriate wrestling gear should be a disadvantage.
In this commercial for TNA live shows, one fan just described them as “real wrestling.” Isn’t that kind of an oxymoron since the match outcomes are scripted?
Having a wrestler tell the audience about her new boyfriend who’s allegedly huge in Hollywood but not name him just comes off really lame.
But not as lame as Brooke Hogan (of reality show and failed-music career fame) telling her that she’s “disappointed” in her. When your claim to fame is being a major celebrity’s kid and still failing to get anywhere with the extra opportunities afforded you because of that, I think it comes off incredibly nervy to tell someone else you’re disappointed in them.
Why does Hulk Hogan carry a bat around with him all the time? Is needing a bat to fight someone supposed to make him look tough?
Reading through this as I’m editing, I just realized that after being in the opening backstage segment, Shaquille O’Neal wasn’t on the show again for the rest of the night, so he never went in front of the live crowd. Why the hell would you have a huge celebrity like Shaquille O’Neal on your show, only to not even put him in front of your live crowd? That makes exactly zero sense.
Ring of Honor Wrestling
I absolutely love the guy at ringside drinking beer and talking smack in the middle of the opening match.
Nothing says you have a classy audience like needing to mosaic over a bunch of middle fingers for a TV show that your audience knew you were recording.
Having the announcers promoting a live event that took place September 8th on your show that aired September 15th makes you look very bush league. Not only because it’s a huge flashing neon sign that while other wrestling shows are broadcast live, you’re watching something that was recorded weeks ago, but it also shows that you don’t care enough to edit your show at all. I mean really, how hard is it to tell your announcers what day the commentary they’re recording is going to air, or to go back through and dub over or remove something like that if the air date changes?
Not to be mean, but these two guys in the highlight clip from their last Internet PPV main event look like they should be fighting over the last beer in the case, not a world title. Which I mean in the nicest possible way, because they could both clearly kick my ass in their sleep.
Was this show supposed to only be 45 minutes, or did the network not care to air the whole thing?
The Final Verdict
Based on this week’s shows and this week’s shows only:
I would be MOST likely to tune in next week to watch IMPACT! Wrestling.
I would be LEAST likely to tune in next week to watch Friday Night Smackdown.
Running Total Score:
Monday Night Raw: 6 Most 12 Least
Friday Night Smackdown: 4 Most 14 Least
IMPACT! Wrestling: 18 Most 4 Least
Ring of Honor Wrestling: 6 Most 4 Least
