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SlapFight Championship 15: Armageddon
3/4/22 - Streaming on FITE.TV
I swear I was covering these slap shows out of curiosity but I think it’s become a THING now. Am I officially PWInsider’s SlapFight GUY? I’ve clearly worked myself into a shoot here. Should I give myself a slap fight nickname? How’s Slap Daddy? Sure, why not! SD is in the house (metaphorically speaking) and Fite TV is bringing us the latest slaperoo showdown from an undisclosed location in Branson, Missouri. Tonight’s main event is a rematch from the Redemption PPV between Frank the Tank and The Bell. This time Frank is allowed to use his dominant right hand instead, hoping for a better result than last go. Before all that, we have a tough man style double elimination super heavyweight tournament. Space Cowboy Jason Jordan is your announcer. JT Tilley is your commentator. Let’s get slappin’!
Match 1: The Highlander vs Hardcore Hillbilly (Quarterfinals)
Hardcore Hillbilly got his name on the “Slap Mountain” YouTube show. Highlander has been a contender over several previous shows and tournaments but has been on the receiving end of some brutal KO’s in the past. Hillbilly wins the coin toss
Round 1: Big Swing from HH but Highlander barely moves. Highlander hits good but Highlander grunts it out
Round 2: Big shot, Highlander wobbles forward slightly. Highlander swings but puts up a warning for clubbing.
Round 3: Good crack but Highlander rolls his eyes a little. Highlander aims and his solid. Hillbilly staggers a little and clearly knows it’s a good fight.
Round 4: HH lands but the slap almost passes through. Highlander hits good back.
Round 5: Highlander is leaning in a little to these shots and HH kind of misfires. Highlander cracks again and Hillbilly’s face is showing some damage.
Round 6: Good slap but ultimately ineffective from HH. Highlander swings through again. Hillbilly staggers but he isn’t going down.
Round 7: Hillbilly lands his best shot of the fight. Highlander lands hard again and they jaw back and forth a little as the fight goes to decision
Winner: Highlander (by decision)
Match 2: Niko Mufasa vs 502 Slugger (Quarterfinals)
Niko is f***ing huge. 502 is also a big man but Niko towers over him. 800 lbs of human at the barrel. Wow. Niko wins the coin toss…
Round 1: Niko swings straight across and Slugger eats it but steps back. Slugger hits clean but it’s kinda light touch.
Round 2: Hard slap, Slugger rocked back a little. Slugger hits WAY better this time and Niko is jolted a little.
Round 3: Niko’s throwing bombs but Slugger takes it. Slugger slaps the mouth guard out of Niko’s mouth but picks up a stepping warning.
Round 4: Niko with the big shot and Slugger is rocked back but he’s right back to the barrel. Slugger swings up from the bottom, Niko is jolted again and Slugger might have hurt his hand.
Round 5: BOOM. Slugger rocked but still standing. Niko might have some blood in his mouth. Slugger adds to the pool with another shot,
Round 6: Hard slap, Slugger flinches a little and gets accidentally clubbed. Niko absorbs another hard shot. Slugger may not be able to finish chopping him down.
Round 7: Niko roars and connects hard again. 7 clean good shots in a row. Slugger forgot he has one more slap. Uh oh. Slugger slaps Niko and Niko smiles back. That’s the fight!
Winner: Niko Mufasa (by split decision)
Jason Jordan is out here with Highlander, who lets us know that he picked up a nasty cut on his cheek during his match and the doctor pulled him from the tournament. The Hulk is replacing him against Niko Mufasa later.
Match 3: Bayou Bastard vs Baby Ray
Bastard is a super fan who actually has a few wild wins under his belt and has become a bit of a cult hero to this crowd. He requested a Top 10 ranked opponent and SlapFight delivered one in former-MMA vet Baby Ray for this Light Heavyweight contest. BB wins the coin toss!
Round 1: Bastard swings from the bottom of hell itself and rocks Baby Ray HARD with his first slap. Baby Ray back to the barrel for his return fire…slow windup and goes high and picks up a clubbing warning. Baby Ray immediately apologies.
Round 2: Hard slap from Bastard again but Baby Ray is ready this time. Apparently Bastard has had trouble with his aim in previous fights so he gets to wear his glasses when he slaps (and thankfully gets to take them off to receive). Baby Ray swings again and this shot is hard and on point. Bastard eats it and is right back to the barrel.
Round 3: solid strike! Baby Ray absorbs it but he’s surprised at how hard this one is. Huge slap from Baby Ray and Bastard staggers but is right back…Baby Ray picks up a warning for stepping.
Round 4: Bastard swings good but Baby Ray flinches a little. No warning on that. Baby Ray hits HARD. Bastard is ready for more.
Round 5: the crowd is BEHIND Bayou Bastard. Big shot but it may have been a club…yes, it was. 1 warning. Baby Ray swings good. Bastard picks up a flinch? Baby Ray picks up a stepping violation. They cancel each other out.
Round 6: BOOM. Bastard hits hard and pushes the pace. Baby Ray is flustered. Good shot though but Bastard just eats it and comes back.
Round 7: Baby Ray moves a little, Bastard with a little club but the ref waves it off. Good hit. Baby Ray with a huge solid shot. Perfect shot but Bastard is right back and ready to swing.
Round 8: Baby Ray doesn’t flinch and he looks like he’s getting chopped down. Baby Ray hits hard AGAIN. Bastard is right back with his glasses on and wanting to fight.
Round 9: Bastard hits and Baby Ray visibly winces and wobbles. Bastard is right back to the barrel. This is nuts. Bastard could win this. Baby Ray connects but there isn’t as much behind it.
Round 10: Bastard swings hard and definitely picked up a clubbing violation. This is two clubs so Bastard has to take TWO slaps to close the fight. Baby Ray winds up…first slap connects and Bastard nods at it. Fist bump! Baby Ray goes for slap two…hard connect but Bastard just takes it. They hug it out, Baby Ray is clearly impressed with the fight he got tonight.
Winner: Bayou Bastard (by decision)
We have an interview with Niko Mufasa and it looks like he’s been removed from the tournament after it’s been revealed he shattered a tooth in the last fight. The Beast steps in to replace him.
Match 4: The Beast vs The Hulk (semi-finals)
So…this is weird. Injuries happen but it’s wild to have an entire side of a tournament Replaced with alternates. The winner of THIS match goes on to meet the winner of the loser’s bracket later. The Beast wins the coin toss. Darius the Destroyer is in the corner of the Beast. Highlander is cornering the Hulk.
Round 1: Beast hits a solid slap but there isn’t much behind it. Hulk comes from below and Beast is rocked a little.
Round 2: Hulk is wobbled from the next shot but is right back. Hulk’s next shot is NOT GOOD.
Round 3: Beast could be swinging harder but he’s connecting clean. Hulk connects GOOD and Beast may have been out on his feet for a moment. It almost looks like he was gonna go down preparing for his slap. It’s ruled a technical knockdown.
Round 4: Beast swings and Hulk is ready for it. Hulk swings again and Beast goes to sleep…without falling down.
Winner: The Hulk (by TKO)
Match 5: Shamokin Thunderclap vs The Guardian
A showdown of two recent newcomers to SlapFight, our Middleweight co-main event! Thunderclap wins the coin toss.
Round 1: Thunderslap swings hard and Guardian goes RIGHT DOWN. He’s out but he staggers back to the barrel. He might have an issue with his tooth. Big step from Guardian and Thunderclap is staggered. Instant violation and penalty. JT Tilley calls it the most illegal slap he may have ever seen. Officials have decided to take a 15 min break to let Thunderclap to recover but Guardian opts to withdraw from the fight due to his tooth issue and desire to not eat another slap…even in 15 minutes. Wild slaps, weird fight.
Winner: Shamokin Thunderclap (by forfeit)
Jason Jones is here with White Simba, our tournament winner from the last PPV. Who is on White Simba’s hitlist? Simba wants a shot at Wolverine’s belt.
We have another interview, this time with 502 Slugger…who has also not been cleared by the doctor (due to damage done to the ear) and cannot compete in his loser’s bracket match. Is this tournament…cursed? O_o
We have an interview with Hardcore Hillbilly…who has advanced to the finals of the entire tournament because The Beast is ALSO out of the tournament loser’s bracket due to the KO loss to Hulk earlier.
What.
Match 6: The Hulk vs Hardcore Hillbilly (Finals)
We have reached the FINALS of the tournament somehow! The winner is the number one contender at super heavyweight. Hulk wins the coin toss.
Round 1: Hulk hits hard and Hillbilly has to walk that one off. He takes his time, swings hard and barely connects. Uh oh.
Round 2: Hulk hands smash Hillbilly. HH is swelling up and wobbly. Good shot from Hillbilly but it does nothing.
Round 3: Hillbilly takes another shot and walks it off. Kids a tomato can! Hillbilly swings hard and connects good this time! Hulk staggers a little.
Round 4: Hulk hits and Hillbilly looks punch drunk. Hillbilly is hitting HARDER somehow?
Round 5: solid connect from Hulk and Hillbilly eats it. HH swings and there’s not much behind here.
Round 6: Here comes Hulk. Hillbilly staggers back and his cornermen steady him. Hulk takes a warning for stepping. Hillbilly with a weak slap. He needs a home run next round.
Round 7: Hulk KO’s Hardcore Hillbilly. He chopped him down and Hillbilly suffers his first knockdown and knockout.
Tournament Winner: The Hulk
Main Event: Frank the Tank vs The Bell
Frank the Tank lost the last fight against the Bell due to being handicapped and only being able to use his weaker left hand. That’s what Frank would have you believe anyways…it’s up to him tonight to prove that hand IS the difference maker. Bell just wants to KO Frank again. Frank the Tank wins the coin toss.
Round 1: Franks swings and clubs Bell in the neck right off. There’s a height difference here so he needs to dial in his distance asap. Bell is being allowed to use his glasses again. Bell swings hard and Frank goes RIGHT DOWN. Oh god this is starting hard.
Round 2: Frank winds up and wobbles Bell with that shot. Time to fire back. Bell hits hard, Frank staggers back and it’s a clear club with the heel of the hand. Frank is getting a 15-minute break to recover and have the doctors assess hit ability to continue. We’re getting a pre-card match to fill the time….
Pre-Show Match: The Cannon vs Battle Axe
Have I seen the Cannon before? I remember Battle Axe from last show, in a winning effort against Bayou Bastard. Cannon wins the coin toss. Cannon has long hair and his locks are FLOWING. I’m rooting for Battle Axe tonight simply so I can see Cannon’s perfect hair get unkempt over the next 10 rounds of lightweight action.
Round 1: Cannon swings and it’s kind of meh. Battle Axe flinches and picks up a warning right off the bat. Battle Axe swings hard and Cannon is staggered. Hair right in his face. Yeaaaa!
Round 2: Cannon swings good this time, good connect, Battle Axe picks up a full penalty for flinching. He loses his slap
And we go right to the next round.
Round 3: Cannon with a decent shot and Battle Axe takes it. Let’s see what he has left. Really good windup but he swings too low and grazes the chin.
Round 4: Cannon with a decent shot, knocking the cotton from Axe’s ear. Axe is dialed in and Cannon staggers again. The judges call in a stepping warning on that.
Round 5: Cannon is also dialed in and Battle Axe eats a hard one. Battle Axe winds up… a good clean shot!
Round 6: Cannon cracks another across the bow. Solid return from Battle Axe. Cannon needs to walk that one off.
Round 7: good shot from the Cannon again. Axe is getting MOVED by these hits but always returning to center. Axe connects loud and solid but Cannon is eating them. He just needs to walk it off again.
Round 8: Boom goes the Cannon. The ref has to ask Axe to stop turning his head as it’s causing him to get hit in the neck. Cannon staggers HARD from Battle Axe’s best swing of the fight. Cannon’s jaw is hurting.
Round 9: Cannon connects solid again and Battle Axe eats it. He takes a quick water break…winds up…connects! Cannon staggers and walks it off again. Battle Axe is INTENSE.
Round 10: Cannon looks swollen and knocks the mouthpiece out of Axe’s face. Last shot from the Battle Axe…Hard shot and Cannon’s hair is everywhere. He’s swelling up hard but his hair hair just goes back to looking perfect. Wild.
Winner: Battle Axe
Main Event Continued: Frank the Tank vs The Bell
Back to the main event! Frank is good to go and ready to slap!
Round 3: fast hard shot on the Bell. He eats it and steps right up. Bell swings hard and Frank staggers back and his cornermen catch him again. Frank is at two technical knockdowns, another ends his night.
Round 4: Frank rocks the Bell! Bell has to hold the barrel for support! Bell winds up, Frank staggers but he stays on his feet!
Round 5: This is a WAR. Frank hits big and Bell is looking rough. Bell swings hard and he clubs Frank again. This is a penalty for Bell so Frank is getting two shots in a row. This could change the fight.
Round 6: Frank slaps the mouth guard out of the Bell. He looks unhappy with how this is going. Bell takes a little break.
Round 7: Frank swings hard and it’s kind of high. Frank may have caught his eye. The judges aren’t calling a penalty, possibly due to head movement from Bell? Bell finally gets his shot, Frank staggers but he’s still up.
Round 8: Big hit to Bell. He doesn’t like this anymore. Either Bell is fading or Frank has gotten used to this. He staggers but comes right back to the barrel.
Round 9: Bell looks like his legs want to give after that slap. Big shot back, Frank staggers and is right back to the barrel for the final slap.
Round 10: Huge shot but Bell stays on his feet! Bell hits hard again, Frank staggers again but Bell picks up a last minute penalty for clubbing. Frank gets a bonus slap from this. Will this make a difference? Clean hard slap, Bell takes it but he looks pained. I don’t know who takes this.
Winner: Frank the Tank (By Decision)
Bell kept rocking Frank but the penalties really mounted against him. It’s said this is the closest decision in SlapFight history. This was a wild back and forth, Jason Jones lets Frank know he is now the number contender for Darius the Destroyer’s Heavyweight title. This is a long time rivalry, Darius says Frank has learned…but not enough to beat him.
And that’s it for SlapFight 15! Plenty of good contests here tonight but the elephant in the room was the Super Heavyweight tournament…every match was GOOD but these guys are doing so much damage to each other that the integrity of the tournament itself is in question. Do you split these tournaments over several events? Do you do less rounds per fight in the opening matches? That’s up to SlapFight to decide but it seems like the doctor took out more people in this tournament than slaps did. Outside of that, really fun show. The drama of the main event was really good, I look forward to the rubber match between Frank and Bell, cause you know they aren’t done with each other. But it sure seems like there’s a number of good championship matches on deck for the next events. Until then!
