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"I can't seem wrap my head around this."
For a brief introduction, my name is Norm Connors, promoter of IWC Wrestling out of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I have been promoting wrestling for 14 years, both under the current name and formerly under Steel City Wrestling.
I am also a licensed funeral director, and have worked in the death-care industry for a decade.
The opening line listed above is the one comment that I have heard more than any other about this terrible tragedy.
I find it poignant because its the same line I so often hear in my "real" line of work. For more than six years I struggled with a way to respond to that statement. In my industry, I have seen just about everything you can possibly imagine, ranging from the death of someone well over 100 all the way down to the death of a child. Ranging from suicide, homicide, and of course, the ravages of cancer, heart failure, etc. It is my job and responsibility as a funeral director to try to walk the families through a terrible time in their lives, and hopefully bring some type of closure and comfort to what is often an unfathomable situation. The funeral homes that I am a part of serve between 500-600 families a year.
This past week has been unreal to professional wrestling. And this in a business where I'm sure all of us who have been in it for any length of time will tell peers who aren't in the sport that "I've seen it all".
From Vince McMahon to the smallest fan, everyone has been trying to make sense of what has happened.
For the past 3 1/2 years, my answer to the families that I serve in the funeral business has been the same. Its the one I will give you now and hopefully will help.
You will never, ever, in a million years be able to figure this out. No one will be able to. What must be incredibly frustrating are the people that knew him very well. They are shocked the most. All you can do is try to make it through another day, and over time, it will get better if you allow it to.
So it took me 6 1/2 years to get to the point where I realized I can't figure things out all of the time. What brought me to that place may very well tie in to the current situation. The only people that know any of this in great detail are my close friends (the in and out of wrestling friends), and two people I consider close in wrestling, Mick and AJ.
A short time after my wife and I were married, my wife began her 7 year battle with depression and anxiety. One day she woke up and simply wasn't herself. Having a minimal background in psychology limited to some college classes, I knew nothing of how to handle this situation I was faced with. I couldn't "wrap my head around" what she was going through. I often lashed out with comments like "snap out of it" and the like, which did more harm than good. Her battle raged on, and as we saw doctor after doctor and no one could help, I really felt she would never see the light at the end of the tunnel. We lost most of our friends due to having to cancel plans so often, and our family didn't understand either.
When things hit rock bottom for her, we decided at that point that we needed to figure this thing out. We did months of research, and finally found the right doctor to help her.
But the reality was we would never be able to figure it out. We could only do our best to just get through day by day with the best care possible, and things would hopefully get better. After a ton of time put in, it did, and my wife is now doing very well for herself with a new job, new friends, etc.
The wrestling business was dealt a harsh dose of reality this week. The fact is, with so much attention paid to so many aspects of the business, little attention is paid to the loneliness and depression that goes along with wrestling. In a man's world and in what is primarily a man's business....depression and its various manifestations are looked upon as a joke by many.
But its time to take a look at depression within the wrestling industry, and hopefully work to make the changes necessary to at least do all we can to prevent something like this from happening again.
And remember, depression is incredibly difficult to "wrap your head around". You never will be able to. But if you see it for what it is and try to help those that have it instead of shun or look down upon, everyone can do their part to try to be part of the solution.
Norm Connors
iwcpromoter@aol.com
